You ask seriously, intensely, passionately, with your eyes fixed directly on his… wet, dark, pleading eyes.
How do you feel about me?
Do you love me?
Do you want to be with me?
Can you see yourself with someone like me ?
You shift awkwardly, find a breath in the endless silence and quickly breathe it in.
You’re caught off guard, confused by the urgency in your own voice and taken by surprise that such important questions are asked to someone you’ve known for such a short period of time.
You notice, too late, that your style of expression misfires past most logic and ends up strapped to the space between his opened mouthed jaw drop and the squeaky noise trying to escape his voice box.
You’re not sure what just happened. You’ve experienced this before. It’s like that strange, confused feeling you get when you take a sip of water and realize it’s diet coke instead !
You’re sucked in by a neediness you’ve felt a lifetime.
Looking for connection…
Looking for validation…
Looking for longevity…
A promise to make you believe.
A dangerous demand to be desired.
An acknowledgment that might somehow make you more real.
And you know you are dangerously connected
to a NEED to be wanted, accepted and validated.
And now you want to take it all back.
Take back all the stupid words and sentiments that poured from your soul.
Take back the intensity of your emotions.
Take back the overbearing neediness you displayed.
You know that the commitment, the love, the fulfillment you require is not to be found out here.
Because you know nothing out here can give you peace.
Because you’re ridiculously embarrassed by the absurdity of your needs.
Because your desires and passions are all too consuming.
Because your addictions are irrational.
And so it begins. It comes on strong and hits dead on. You are consumed by his lack of interest, his unwillingness to commit. Your wretched heart continues to seek approval and attention, yet understands the dysfunction of it all. The painful pursuit ensues.
What possesses a heart to want the exact opposite of what it seeks?What is the source of such self doubt, insecurity and dependence? This need for validation that cycles endlessly?
A painful past?
A childhood interrupted?
Adolescence in pain?
Adult in denial?
Or is it simply some genetic programming ?
The truth is, most women have a biological need to be desired, taken care of, protected and loved. I know this because I have encountered thousands of women.
Because women are my best friends.
Because women are my soul mates.
Because I am a woman.
Personal connections and experiences have taught me to acknowledge feelings of dependence and neediness and understand that profound connections are made to be explored, cherished and often times released.
Release is my key.
People spend a lifetime building ego and confidence, seeking explanation to cognize gaps created in childhood or adolescence. We reshape our self image in an attempt to create a mentality that builds personal confidence and feelings of self worth, which in turn, create independence.
I think those things can be incredibly important. There are classes, studies, books, seminars, counselors and groups that all offer confidence-building techniques.
But what about the technique of release? Can we possibly isolate one technique that may help free us of toxic cycles of dependence and “neediness?”
Release is the key element of how I navigate personal connections and explore those meant to touch my life but not stay – Nothing is forever. Nothing outside yourself can be captured and manifested into self worth.
Stop spending your love and energy futilely attempting to hold on to things you should be letting go – the second you understand something or someone is resistant to participation in your journey, is the second you should allow yourself to love it, want it, miss it, mourn it
and let it go.
Recognize the power to love yourself without anyone having to do it for you.
Recognize the power to release.
Recognize the power to validate your own beauty and life.
You need nothing but your own heart as a compass and your own light to illuminate your journey.
Jeana Sager is a mother of three children with a passionate soul and fierce love of life. She is a teacher, nurturer, counselor, life coach to her three children and spends much of her time leading and encouraging them. When not immersed in the world of mothering she splits her time traveling the world as a flight attendant for Delta Air Lines and coaching young figure skaters in learn to skate programs at a local ice skating arena.